Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
