the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
