I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
