I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
