Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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