In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
