who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
