i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's official drugs can't kill me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
