just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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