All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
BRING THE BAGELS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
