After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
