apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
