Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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