Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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