i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
