bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
