I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
