I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
