She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
