Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
