Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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