I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
