I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
