Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
