walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
