If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
