She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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