Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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