I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
