to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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