I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
