i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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