New invention idea: vibrating tampons
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
