I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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