i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
