i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Alive.
So much puke
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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