You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
