I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize