dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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