just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
