thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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