i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
