Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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