Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
