So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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