Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
