she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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