I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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