are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
