need another drink. this is the easiest way
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize