my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize