can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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