i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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