So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
