As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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