Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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