guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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