people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
