So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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