I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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