His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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