i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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