is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
