Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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