why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
