Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
