weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
