So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
