There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
