saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
