someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
