Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
