you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
