and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
