Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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